Whether it’s an adolescent child, two teenagers, or a house full of toddlers, most parents can agree that raising children, while incredibly fulfilling, is often a difficult job. Children are complex individuals with ever-changing needs, and trying to keep them safe and happy while raising them to be mature, responsible, and kind-hearted can be a challenge, especially while balancing a full-time job and trying to maintain a life of your own. You may not be able to give them all the material things or experiences they want, but there are many easy, everyday things you can do to make sure that your child feels loved and supported.
“The more kids feel loved from parents, the deeper the bond and stronger support for healthy child development—physically, emotionally, and socially,” explains Sarah Love, a pediatric psychologist at the Children’s Lois and John Orr Family Behavioral Health Center in Ohio. “In fact, love and affection are the foundation for success throughout their lives.”
Here are six things you can do on a day-to-day basis to make your kid(s) feel valued, emotionally secure, and loved.
Wake Them Up Happy
Parents have a lot of responsibilities, many of which don’t even involve their children. So, giving your kids your undivided attention at all times isn’t realistic, nor is it feasible. There are, however, 9 minutes in the day when it’s most important to make your child feel loved: 3 minutes after they wake up, 3 minutes after they get home from school, and 3 minutes before bed.
First thing in the morning is a great time to remind your child that they’re loved and supported. This can be done by simply waking them up in a calm and caring manner, whether it’s with a kiss on the forehead or a light nudge, depending on their preference. Take those first 3 minutes to check in with your child, then ask them how they slept and what they’re excited about for the day. With older kids, you may need to give them their space, but you can still show that you care by preparing their favorite breakfast or waking them up with their favorite music.
Give Them Your Undivided Attention
As previously mentioned, parents can’t always be immediately accessible to their children, but when you are spending time with them it’s important to give them your undivided attention, especially with younger kids. Dr. Love emphasizes carving out regular one-on-one time with your children and practicing active listening. This means being attentive and interested in what they have to say, making regular eye contact, and not looking at your phone.
Embrace What They Love
By expressing interest and even engaging in activities that your child loves, you can show them that they’re supported and important enough for you to dedicate your time to something that you may not be as passionate about, i.e. playing with toys or watching one of their favorite shows. Children thrive when they feel loved and supported, so parents should try to be just as enthused about their children’s interests as they are with their own.
Create Family Traditions
Life can be chaotic at times, but a routine can help children to better manage their stress and anxiety. This is why it’s important for parents to establish daily and/or weekly traditions or rituals. The important 3-minute window before bedtime, for example, is a great time to talk with your child about their day and what their plans are for the next day. A consistent bedtime routine, which can include reading stories or playing games, can help children to feel comfortable and secure.
Creating weekly traditions can also give your child something to look forward to and ensure that you all spend quality family time together. Whether it’s a pizza or movie night or weekend outing to a park, your child will be happy to know you’re making an effort to carve out consistent time with them.
Avoid Quick Judgements
It’s easy to be a loving and caring parent when everything is going smoothly, but kids, like adults, often make mistakes or behave poorly. While punishment can be an effective way to deter poor behavior, kids also need to feel that their parents still love them even when they mess up. It does no good to their emotional well-being for parents to react quickly and harshly.
Whether you have a teenager who stayed out past curfew or a toddler who hit another child at daycare, avoid quick judgements. Ask them why this happened and what they could have done differently and give yourself time to think about an appropriate punishment.
Validate Their Feelings
Due to a myriad of factors, including social media, bullying, and the pandemic, teenagers and children are experiencing mental health challenges at record levels, according to a 2023 American Psychological Association report. While children’s emotional issues might not feel as important or pressing as many adult problems, they’re very real to them. Parents don’t have to try and solve all of their kids’ problems, but at the very least they should validate their feelings and make them feel understood. Acknowledge any issues they might have and talk about what emotions they are feeling.
