Becoming a father for the first time is a major life milestone that comes with an incredible amount of responsibility. From being responsive to both the child’s and mother’s needs in the early years to instilling strong values in the child as they grow older, fatherhood is a full-time job with no days off. Of course, fathers in many cases are also expected to be the principal providers for their families. Balancing these responsibilities can be challenging and stressful, so it’s important to have a good idea of exactly what you’re getting into if you plan to have children.
If you’re serious about starting a family, here are five critical questions you should ask yourself to gauge your readiness to raise and provide for your children.
Are you ready for a lifelong connection with your child’s mother?
While the prevailing progressive notion is that two parents do not necessarily need to stay together to raise strong-willed, responsible children, there is plenty of evidence that suggests children are better off in stable environments in which both parents are married or in a relationship and live together. A New York University research team, for example, concluded that from the late 1960s to the 1990s “the estimated relationship between the single-parent family structure variable and educational attainment more than tripled in size.” This means children who live with both parents are generally more likely to stay in school—and perform better academically—than those in single-parent households.
Several other studies have supported the idea that children from two-parent households are also less likely to be suspended from school and have enhanced overall emotional and social welfare. This is in part because married families often have two income-earning parents, providing greater economic stability than single-parent families.
There are times when divorce or separation might be preferred for the well-being of a child, particularly when both parents are constantly arguing and fighting. But even in divorce, you will still be linked to the mother of your child and should strive to maintain a positive relationship. Regardless of the parents’ relationship status, a child has a better chance of succeeding in life when his mother and father are equally involved.
Can you commit to being a highly involved father?
Being involved in your child’s life means playing with them from an early age, showing up to support them in their activities, and disciplining them when needed, among other things. It’s a lifelong commitment and can be a precursor to their chances of success later in life. An American Association of Pediatrics study, for instance, found that when fathers are highly involved in playing with their toddlers, the child will have better social competence and will be less likely to exhibit behavioral problems.
Being a highly involved father means being selfless. Are you willing to sacrifice a late night out with friends on the weekend to wake up early with your baby? Can you commit to many years of taking your child to their activities and being a supportive parent? Are you capable of putting aside your own needs to make sure your child’s emotional and physical needs are met? These are the questions you need to ask yourself to determine if you’re ready to be a highly involved dad.
Are you financially stable?
Money isn’t everything, but it would be irresponsible to bring a child into the world without having the means to provide for and care for them. You don’t have to have a six-figure income, but having a stable job with a path for career progression is important. You should also be careful with your money. It might have been OK to charge vacations and extravagant purchases to credit cards before having a child, but now you need to prioritize saving money, which likely means only purchasing things you need.
What was your relationship with your father like?
As mentioned, the relationship a child has with their father plays a vital role in that child’s development and overall well-being. This is important to note for expecting fathers. Consider your relationship with your father or the male role models in your life and how they helped to shape the man you’ve become. Is there anything in particular they did that you want to incorporate into your own parenting style? Alternatively, if there are things they did that caused pain or trauma, you should promise yourself to never do that to your own child.
Do you have support from family and friends?
Relatively speaking, children thrive in two-parent households, but they also need love and support from outside influences, whether it be close friends or family members, i.e. grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins. This is especially important in the early years of a child’s life, when parents might be sleep deprived and stressed, requiring sporadic breaks from their parental responsibilities.
As a father, knowing that you have additional support in raising your child can have a positive impact on their social and emotional development and improve your relationship with their mother.
