The United States has a youth mental health crisis. Social media, individual trauma, and the pandemic, among other factors, have contributed to a significant increase in the prevalence of mental and behavioral disorders and symptoms of depression among children. According to the 2022 National Healthcare Quality and Disparities Report, nearly 20 percent of youth between the ages of 3-7 had an emotional, developmental, behavioral, or mental disorder. Moreover, 40 percent of students in grade 9 to 12 experienced symptoms of depression in 2023, up from 30 percent a decade prior.
While there are various resources to help young people navigate their unique mental health challenges, early intervention is key. By speaking regularly about mental health, parents can help their children become more resilient and learn how to recognize and manage difficult emotions.
Unfortunately, it’s not always easy to bring up mental health and complex emotions with your children. You may not know where to start the conversation, and they may feel afraid or embarrassed to share certain things. Here are some tips to approach the topic and make your children feel more comfortable in expressing themselves.
Starting the Conversation
Kids are more likely to open up at a particular time of the day. Younger children, for instance, tend to share highlights of their day at bedtime, while older ones might be more apt to talk about their day or feelings while watching TV or spending one-on-one time with a parent. As a parent, take note of when your child is comfortable talking, and use casual conversation starters like, “How are you?,” “What was the best/worst part of your day?,” and “What would you like to talk about?”
If your child is noticeably angry or anxious, allow them some time to calm down. Otherwise, they may be unable to think or speak clearly. If they’re hesitant to talk candidly at home, consider going for a walk or drive, playing catch, or doing some other activity. For many kids, it’s easier to talk while on the move or while sitting side by side rather than face to face.
Listen and Validate
When your child opens up and starts talking about their feelings or personal matters, try to practice active listening. Sit with a relaxed body, avoid folding your arms or looking distressed, and be caring and calm when reacting. This shows that you can handle whatever they say and will make them feel more comfortable talking with you about their mental health.
Don’t be afraid or uncomfortable about long gaps in the conversation as, in some cases, this can prompt kids to speak more candidly. When they do, try to validate their experiences by sharing stories of similar struggles that you’ve had in the past.
Help Your Children Express Themselves
Parents can do many things, both during a conversation and in their day-to-day lives, to encourage their children to be more open about their feelings and mental health. Be genuine, and use simple language. Children, particularly teenagers, generally know when you’re pretending or trying too hard and may be less willing to open up if you’re not being authentic.
Sharing your own experiences is helpful, but don’t compare yourself to your children or show any guilt or shame when they discuss complex emotions or feelings of hopelessness. You haven’t failed them because of these feelings. Rather, you’re showing them unconditional love and support by listening.
You can also make your children feel more comfortable in talking about these issues by regularly discussing your own emotions.
Speak About Your Children’s Issues As Medical Problems
In order to help your children better understand or feel less ashamed about their mental health challenges, speak about their issues as real medical problems. If your child has asthma, for example, they understand how their body responds to certain triggers and know that medication can be helpful. Similarly, depression, anxiety, and ADHD are conditions that sometimes have physical symptoms. They just happen to start in the brain, which controls your behavior, thoughts, and feelings.
Explain to your child that their condition is not their fault. Rather, it’s because their brain is “knocked off balance.” Like other physical ailments, they can manage their mental health condition with interventions like behavioral support or medication.
Check In Often
As kids age, their problems become more complex. If you start speaking honestly about mental health from an early age, they may see you as a trusted confidant and feel more comfortable disclosing personal issues as they grow older.
If Your Kids Are Not Ready to Talk
Sometimes, even following all the best advice might not be enough to get your child to open up about their mental state. If they shut down or constantly say they’re fine even when you can tell something is bothering them, you may need to try an alternative approach to one-on-one conversation. They may be more comfortable writing about their feelings and emotions, so try texting with casual conversation starters before gently checking in on their well-being.
If this doesn’t work, you can also encourage them to speak with a qualified professional or other family member.
