Being a father is one of the greatest joys a man can experience. While showing up and being present is half the battle in raising secure and responsible children, a good father goes above and beyond the call of duty. He not only works to provide a good life for his child and family, but also nurtures and provides unconditional love. Whether you’re a new dad hoping to raise strong-willed and confident children or just looking to improve your capabilities as a father, here are some core qualities you should aim to develop.
Patience
The saying “patience is a virtue” definitely applies to being a parent. Children, especially at a young age, demand a lot of a parent’s attention and it can be physically and emotionally draining catering to their every need—and that’s not including cleaning up messes every day and answering the same questions repeatedly. Getting frustrated or angry at a child who may know what they’re doing is wrong, however, does no good for the parent or child. Exhibiting patience isn’t always easy for overstimulated parents, which is why it’s important to take some time each day to prioritize self-care.
Patience is also a valuable quality to have when teaching kids new things, whether it’s riding a bike, playing a new video game, or how to complete chores. Children are more likely to get discouraged and may feel bad about themselves if they see their dad getting frustrated or upset at their repeated failures. By practicing patience, you avoid unwanted stress or anxiety in these situations and help create a nurturing environment in which the child feels more comfortable and confident.
Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is one of the key psychological indicators of a good father. A father should be able to control and regulate his own emotions, while also having the ability to understand and navigate the big emotions their children display. This makes it easier to respond to the child’s emotional needs.
Empathy is similar to emotional intelligence, although the latter takes it a step further. Whereas empathy is the ability to understand the emotions of another person, emotional intelligence refers to reading emotions and other nonverbal cues to determine the cause for a child’s behavior. This is especially vital in the early stages of a child’s life as it can help them develop their own emotional intelligence.
Responsibility
It’s not always easy to wake up in the middle of the night to change a crying baby’s diaper or to get up at the crack of dawn to take your child to hockey practice, but being responsible to your child’s needs is paramount to being a good father. A good parent understands their free time is limited and that these and other responsibilities are part of the job of raising children. If you’re a father, you have to accept that your time is not fully your own. Consistently showing up and being there for your kids is important for their wellbeing, but also sets a good example for them to carry on in life.
Support
Kids need support from their parents – or their guardians – in order to thrive. Even if you disagree with your child’s decision, you can be supportive of that decision regardless and let your child follow their own path. A good dad might offer reasons why he disagrees with his child’s decision, but in the end will always have their back. Moreover, good dads defend their child when needed.
It’s important to remember your child is an individual. They may look like you and share many qualities and traits, but they’re their own person with unique hopes and dreams—not just an extension of you. You might have one time aspired to raise a future professional athlete, but if you’re kid isn’t into sports, it’s your job to show up and support them as they pursue their own interests.
Playfulness
Being a father is a serious job that requires around-the-clock commitment. You need to be supportive and loyal, exercise patience, be willing to discipline appropriately, listen attentively, and show empathy. Again, this can be mentally and physically draining, especially when balancing a job and other responsibilities. However, at the end of the day, a good father still has time to be playful and silly with his kids.
Children learn through play. They develop critical life skills such as problem-solving, empathy, and resilience by playing pretend. Analyzing “fragmentary evidence” from the past four decades, University of Cambridge Faculty of Education academics determined in a 2020 study that children whose fathers played with them on a regular basis experienced enhanced emotional and social development.
You’ve Got This
Being a parent is hard, and it can sometimes feel like you’re failing even when you’re trying your best. The key is to show yourself some grace. You can’t change the past, but every day, you can keep trying to be a better parent than the day before. If you make a mistake, apologize to your child. This can help increase their trust in you, and it teaches them that no one is perfect, but it’s still important to take responsibility for your actions.
In addition, be sure to lean on your support systems—whether that’s your family, spouse or partner, your friends, fellow dads, or even parenting classes. (Search online for classes in your area at local community centers.) Ask for help when you need it. Remember, admitting you’re feeling overwhelmed isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign that you want to do what you can to be the best parent possible.
