The idea of fatherhood and its associated responsibilities has evolved considerably in recent decades. Whereas about a generation ago fathers were primarily viewed as breadwinners who left household tasks and bonding with kids to their partners, today’s fathers strive to be more involved in their children’s lives from an early age. This is not only beneficial to tired and overworked mothers who, in many cases, have to balance a full work schedule with their natural nurturing duties, but also children, who reap many emotional benefits from a strong bond with their fathers.
From regular communication while they’re in their mother’s womb to shared activities and supporting their interests later in life, children greatly benefit from having close relationships with their fathers. They are more emotionally secure and confident, have a greater capacity to forge beneficial social relationships, are less likely to misbehave, and have greater cognitive and linguistic capacities. Fathers also generally try to instill the values of achievement and independence in their children which, when combined with the protective nature of most mothers, helps to promote healthy development as children age.
Here’s a look at some ways in which fathers can bond with their children.
Bonding at An Early Age
“Your child’s brain is growing faster between the beginning of pregnancy and 3 years of age than at any other stage in their entire life. This time is often referred to as the ‘critical period’ of development for your child as it creates the foundation for their long-term positive outcomes,” writes parenting coach Sue Atkins. “Your child’s neural pathways (learning connections) are forming in their brain during this period and the development of your child’s brain is determined by their daily experiences, with you and the world.”
This means that, while it’s relatively easy for mothers to bond with newborns, fathers need to work a little harder to forge a special bond with their offspring. Fathers should take an active role in bottle-feeding their baby, holding them in the same position as a mother would when breastfeeding. This allows the father and their child to bond naturally via eye contact. Fathers can also begin nurturing that special bond with their child by responding to—and soothing—their cries, helping with bedtime, and making silly faces.
Build Trust by Sticking to Commitments
As children get older, it can be easier for fathers to find ways to strengthen these bonds. With greater independence and intelligence comes a whole new slate of bonding opportunities, such as playing board games or sports, reading, cooking, watching movies, and eating meals together. Even everyday interactions, like having meaningful or even fun conversations or sharing a hug, can leave a lasting impression on children and improve their relationship with their parents. Playing and other types of physical activity is particularly effective at helping children to regulate their emotions.
While watching a movie or spending hours together doing something the father enjoys, dads should look for opportunities to spend quality time with their kids. This means scheduling regular one-on-one hangouts doing activities the child prefers and enjoys. However, it’s important for fathers to be realistic about their commitments. Making broken promises to be there for a game, recital, or family outing can have a negative impact on the father-child bond and lead to a loss of trust.
In addition to planning activities, it can also be beneficial to involve kids in mundane, day-to-day activities, as these present opportunities for fathers to connect with and talk one-on-one with their children. Something as simple as going shopping together, visiting a family friend, or running errands can help a child strengthen their relationship with their father.
Be Your Child’s Biggest Fan
Fathers have traditionally been disciplinarians, but while it’s still important to teach right from wrong and to discipline children when they misbehave or don’t follow the rules, fathers also need to give praise and positive reinforcement. Children naturally look for approval from both parents, especially their fathers, and praising them for positive behaviors or achievements can help to improve their confidence and self-esteem.
Praising a teenager for coming home at an agreed-upon time, for instance, will generally make them more likely to return home on time in the future. Acknowledging their effort, even when they fail, can also serve as a motivator and encourage them to maintain positive behaviors. Most importantly, fathers need to be present and to support their children in all of their activities to maintain a close relationship as they age.
Helping with Homework and Chores
Another way for fathers to strengthen their bond with their children is to pass on lessons and skills, such as how to treat people, how to throw a baseball, and how to ride a bike. They can also help their kids with their homework or do household chores together. Kids will take comfort in knowing that their father is around for more than just the fun times and glean valuable lessons from these experiences.
